Sithuwili Yahane

On the bed of thoughts, a dream that will not sleep,
tangled in its ropes, I am left alone in a trance
that dark illusion, that shadow of anguish,
wound all through my being
how am I to search,
this is how I seek my way

Night by night I let the hours slip past,
ploughing through my own memory,
the pain that raises a lament
lies hidden within its own echo,
once the wings are broken, what use is the beauty of the sky? //

Those shadowy shades,
the weary illusion they showed,
the will that snaps the chains,
will always be the doorway,
once the wings are broken, what use is the beauty of the sky? //

A brooding, introspective song about a mind that cannot rest, its central image the bed of thoughts, sithuwili yahana, where the singer lies awake with a dream that refuses to sleep. Tangled in its own ropes, she is left alone in a kind of trance, a dark illusion and a shadow of anguish wound all through her being. She keeps asking how she is even to search her way out, and answers only, this is how I seek.

The middle is sleeplessness and memory. Night after night she lets the hours slip by, ploughing through her own memory, and the pain that rises up as a lament stays hidden inside its own echo, grief so private it only reverberates within. Then the song’s haunting refrain: once the wings are broken, what use is the beauty of the sky? However lovely the world, it means nothing to someone who can no longer fly.

The last verse turns, faintly, toward release. Those weary, shadowy illusions are still there, but the will that snaps the chains will always remain the doorway out, a small statement of hope: intention, resolve, is the way through. And yet the refrain returns unresolved, once the wings are broken, what use is the beauty of the sky? Sung by Devashrie de Silva to words by the Ven. Ruhunuketha Dhammadewa Thero, it is a dark, meditative song about a wounded, sleepless mind, and the faint, hard-won belief that the will to break free is still the only way out.