Himi Nowuna Lyrics by Bachi Susan

Those eyes I never got to call my own, holding their painted pictures still,
your blue eyes that I lay awake breathing every sigh for,
from a corner of a heart that waves a hand to every falling tear,
just for a moment, give me a chance to smile.
I can’t bear it like this, locking the sorrow up alone,
I’m so helpless, my darling….//

The sweet words you whispered in my ear,
they filled my heart that day..
Can’t you bring yourself, even halfway,
to say just one word to me..
Holding both my hands with love,
in the name of the love we lived back then..
At least let me stay in a smile,
why do you keep away from me, fly off like this..

Wearing that white dress with white jasmine in your hair,
today you look so beautiful..
Don’t close your eyes on me, turning away in anger,
my heart is so afraid right now..
Leaving me all alone,
please don’t, don’t go, don’t stay away.
In the middle of a dream this deep,
I can’t be left here crying, all alone..

A young man is talking to the girl he loved and lost, the words pouring out of him on a night when sleep won’t come. She has pulled away from him, and all he is left with are the pictures of her in his mind, especially her eyes, which he keeps returning to. He asks her for almost nothing now, just a moment, just one word, just the chance to smile again instead of carrying the hurt alone. You can feel how worn down he is when he calls himself helpless and calls her his darling in the same breath.

The song moves from memory to pleading. He goes back to the sweet things she once whispered to him, the day her words filled his heart, and then he turns to the present where she won’t even give him a single word back. He reminds her of the love they once lived together and begs her, in the name of that love, just to hold his hands again. There is real fear in his voice in the last part, where she stands in front of him in a white dress with white jasmine in her hair, looking beautiful, yet angry and turning her eyes away from him.

That image carries the weight of the whole song. White jasmine (pichcha) and a white dress are the colours of purity and tenderness in Sinhala feeling, the look of someone you adore, so the more beautiful she appears, the more it hurts him that she is slipping away. The line about a heart that waves a hand to every falling tear is his way of saying his heart has given up, surrendering to each new wave of grief. By the end he is no longer reasoning with her, he is simply begging her not to leave, not to go, not to keep her distance, terrified of being left alone in the middle of a dream that felt too real to lose.

What stays with you is how small his last requests have become. He started out loving her completely, and now he would settle for one word, one smile, one touch of her hands. It is the sound of someone watching love walk away and reaching out anyway, knowing he cannot hold on, and not being able to stop himself from trying.