Lankawe Ape Lankawe Lyrics by Gypsies

At night in a dream, one day I became a teacher.
I was the one asking the children questions.
To every question I asked, good answers kept coming back.
But what I saw was just a dream.
And aren’t dreams the opposite of real?

Q: In which country are elections held fairly and equally?
A: In Sri Lanka, our Sri Lanka.
Q: In which country are the honest, upright people in power?
A: In Sri Lanka, our Sri Lanka.
Q: In which country do they sneak into parliament with rigged votes?
A: In England, in England.
Q: In which country are there so many bribe-taking, crooked ministers?
A: In England, in England.

Even if it’s like that in England, it’s never like that in Sri Lanka.
Our ministers don’t take bribes.

Q: In which country did they find solutions to the unemployment problem?
A: In Sri Lanka, our Sri Lanka.
Q: In which country is there the least unemployment in the world today?
A: In Sri Lanka, our Sri Lanka.
Q: Then in which country do you get a job through a minister’s letter?
A: In England, in England.
Q: In which country are there so many strikes and protests?
A: In England, in England.

Even if it’s like that in England, it’s never like that in Sri Lanka.
Our ministers don’t hand out job letters.

Let’s tell the white people to come and see our country.
Let’s tell them to look and learn from us.
Come, let’s give the white people tuition.

Q: In which country are there drivers who drive politely?
A: In Sri Lanka, our Sri Lanka.
Q: In which country do fewer road accidents happen?
A: In Sri Lanka, our Sri Lanka.
Q: In which country do they drive blind drunk?
A: In England, in England.
Q: In which country do people die struck down in the middle of the crosswalk?
A: In England, in England.

Even if it’s like that in England, it’s never like that in Sri Lanka.
Our people don’t drive after drinking.

Q: In which country do the artists unite and get their work done?
A: In Sri Lanka, our Sri Lanka.
Q: In which country are concerts held in an orderly way?
A: In Sri Lanka, our Sri Lanka.
Q: Then in which country did they set off bombs and kill the fans?
A: In India, in India.
Q: In which country do they shoot at the singers?
A: In India, in India.

Even if it’s like that in India, it’s never like that in Sri Lanka.
Our singers don’t get shot.

Q: In which country do they treat a degree with proper respect?
A: In Sri Lanka, our Sri Lanka.
Q: In which country do doctors give their service without cutting us up?
A: In Sri Lanka, our Sri Lanka.
Q: In which country were young university boys killed?
A: In America, in America.
Q: In which country did the doctors strike while the patients were still sick?
A: In America, in America.

Even if it’s like that in America, it’s never like that in Sri Lanka.
Our doctors would never strike.

Q: In which country are there so many fine super highways?
A: In Sri Lanka, our Sri Lanka.
Q: In which country do the ministers and members of parliament go on foot?
A: In Sri Lanka, our Sri Lanka.
Q: Then in which country are there big mansions on the road, fit for elephants to bathe?
A: In America, in America.
Q: In which country was one minister given five cars?
A: In America, in America.

Even if it’s like that in America, it’s never like that in Sri Lanka.
Our ministers go on foot, never by car.

The most exalted country in the world is Sri Lanka, Sri Lanka.
There, no protests, no strikes.
No bribes taken, no drunk driving.
No big mansions on the road, no job letters from ministers.
No killings in the universities, there’s no country like this.
No, no, no, there’s no country like this.
No, no, no.

This is one of the Gypsies’ famous comedy songs, and the whole thing runs on sarcasm. It opens with a man telling us about a dream he had, where he became a teacher asking his students questions, and every answer that came back was perfect. Then he reminds us, with a wink, that dreams are the opposite of real life. That single line is the key that unlocks the joke in everything that follows.

The body of the song is a classroom quiz. The teacher asks a question, the children answer. Every good thing in the world, fair elections, honest politicians, no unemployment, polite drivers, no road deaths, well behaved concerts, doctors who serve patients faithfully, ministers who walk instead of riding around in fancy cars, all of it gets the answer “Sri Lanka, our Sri Lanka.” And every bad thing, vote rigging, bribe taking ministers, drunk driving, bombings at shows, doctors going on strike, ministers handed five cars at once, all of it gets blamed on England, India, or America. After each round the teacher insists, “even if it’s like that over there, it’s never like that here.”

The humour is that the audience knows the exact opposite is true. Anyone in Sri Lanka recognises these as their own country’s problems, the rigged votes, the bribes, the political job letters, the reckless driving, the doctors’ strikes, the ministers’ convoys of cars. By cheerfully pinning every fault on foreign countries and crowning Sri Lanka the most virtuous land on earth, the song is really holding up a mirror and laughing at home. It is patriotism turned inside out, praise that everyone hears as criticism. The little detail about “tuition for the white people,” offering to teach the West how to run a country, is the same joke pushed to its proudest, most absurd height.

By the last verse the song drops the question and answer game and just lists, one after another, all the things that supposedly never happen here. No protests, no bribes, no drunk driving, no killings on campus. The longer the list runs, the more obviously false it sounds, until it lands on the repeated “there’s no country like this.” On the surface it sounds like a boast. Underneath, it is a sigh, a clever, funny, slightly bitter way of saying that the country we love is also the one breaking our hearts. That mix of affection and frustration, sung with a grin, is exactly what makes the song stick.